The Writing Moose

Please check out my friend's blog. There are many engaging, entertaining stories. She is a real writer!
http://writingmoose.wordpress.com/

The Rise of the Facebook Snob

So hear I am, at a local Starbucks, on my Mac as it is the law in Starbucks, and I’m supposed to be correcting papers, but I only want to tweet and post (I know, that sounds dirty). I always find it so amusing when I discuss Facebook with my non-Facebooking friends. They say “I’m not on Facebook or Twitter” with this inflated sense of pride as if they have accomplished something. As if they had the strength and fortitude to resist this social media siren unlike the rest of us weaklings. I can hear them saying it to me behind their snide grins - “I didn’t drink the Kool-Aid like the rest of you Facesheep.”

Has the dawn of the social media age spawned a new breed of snob? Are they better than us because they are not spending hours staring at scrolling posts? What do they do with all that free time? Are they writing poetry? Curing cancer? They are off the grid, under the radar of the social media and that’s the way they like it. Jesus God, these people probably still write letters! Real letters! Now in their defense, I too despise the blockheads who post things like “My cat really knows me” or “I just had a glass of wine.” I also do not need to see a picture of you new moms breastfeeding for the first time, thank you very much. That being said, it can be worth wading through the dribble to make a Facebook connection. Besides, where else can you get hundreds of simultaneous well wishes on your birthday?

So what do we say to those who would consider themselves above such frivolity, the would be cyber hermits? Facebook is not only the virtual coffee house of the Internet it may soon be the only way we communicate. So get off that horse and buggy, plug in and save the letters for grandma.

Teacher Haiku

I rise with the sun.
The day flies by in a blur.
I grade by moonlight.


Please pay attention.
I said, please pay attention.
Hey, is this thing on?


Little candy treat,
You get me through the long day.
Friend to all teachers


Sixty-four eyeballs
All staring at me blankly.
What shall I plan next?


Clouds loom overhead.
The rainy day brings chaos.
Please let this storm pass.


In a sea of tests
I must test them every week.
They test me each day.

The Giving Tree: A story of heartache and betrayal

Shel Silverstein is a national treasure. There is no disputing that. When I was growing up his works were my Harry Potter, Captain Underpants and Diary of a Wimpy Kid all rolled into one. That being said, I have to admit that I have always hated The Giving Tree. Oh it starts off portraying a perfectly delightful scenario.

Once there was a tree…
And she loved a little boy.
And the boy loved the tree…very much.
And the tree was happy.

Can you feel it? The tug on your heartstrings? Well revel in it because after that bit, it all starts to go south for the tree. This kid hits puberty and slowly begins to chip away at this poor, selfless, enabling tree. This would be forgivable if the boy remained a boy, but he doesn’t. He grows into an annoying succubus that just takes and takes! “I want money. I want a house. I want a boat.”

I’m sorry, but that is just rude. Doesn’t this child have parents? What’s worse is that this story keeps telling the reader how happy the tree is. I am just feeling sorry for the tree at this point. The poor thing is in denial and needs to attend assertiveness training. Let’s get real. The boy strings the tree along page after page and basically kills her at the end of the story.

So what to do? Well I think it’s time that someone stood up for the tree.
Submitted for your approval:

The Giving Tree
Written by Shel Silverstein
Adapted by Gina Pavlov

Once there was a tree…
And she loved a little boy.
And every day the boy would come
And he would gather leaves,
And make them into crowns and play king of the forest.
He would climb up her trunk
And swing from her branches and eat apples.
And they would play hide and seek.
And when he was tired he would sleep in her shade.
And the boy loved the tree…very much.
And the tree was happy.

But time went by.
And the boy grew older.
And the tree was often left alone.

Then one day the boy came to the tree.
“Come and play in my shade and you will be happy.” said the tree.
“I’m too big to climb and play. I want to buy things and have fun. I want some money.
Can you give me some money?”
“I’m sorry to tell you this but money doesn’t grow on trees. Perhaps you should get a job. If you’re old enough to buy things, you’re old enough to work for them.”

The boy left a little wiser…
And the tree was happy.

The boy stayed away for a long time and the tree was sad.
And then one day he came back.
“Come and play in my shade and you will be happy.”
“I am too busy to climb trees. I want a house and a wife and children.
Can you give me a house?”
“Well I want to settle down next to a handsome redwood tree but you don’t hear me complaining do you? Save your money so you can buy a nice house for a wife and children.”

The boy left with another life lesson…
And the tree was happy.

The boy stayed away for a long time and the tree was sad.
And then one day he came back and the tree was so happy she could hardly speak.
“Come and play.” said the tree.
“I am too old and sad to play. I want a boat that will take me far away.
Can you give me a boat?”
“You should not run from your problems.
Go and do your best to live the best life you can.
And maybe you would not be so sad if you came to visit me more often.”

The boy left with a renewed sense of self…
And the tree was happy.

After a long time the boy came back.
“I’m sorry boy, I don’t know what else I could possibly give you.”
“I don’t need very much now, just a quiet place to sit. I am very tired.”
“Come and sit by me. I have a strong trunk to hold you up.
You can eat my apples and rest in my shade.”

And the boy did…
And the tree was happy.

Target: The Store You Hate to Love

You realize you’re getting low on toilet paper and then the stirrings start. Your heart beats a little faster as the thought hits you, “I get to go to Target!” Target is the epitome of the “one-stop shop.” You can get practically anything at a Target, and there in lies the problem. You and I both know that you will not leave Target with just toilet paper. You’ll try to be strong but the moment you walk through those smooth welcoming doors it happens. Target begins the seduction.

“Hey, baby. Glad to see you came back.”
“Look, Target. I’m only here for toilet paper.”
“Sure you are. Did you see I have a Starbucks café inside me now? That’s right. I know what you like.”
“Stop it, Target.”
“Stop what? I’m just trying to make you feel good.”
“I know what you’re trying to do. I’m just here for toilet paper.”
“Did you see the low, low prices in my home improvement section?”
“Well, it is on the way to the toilet paper.”
“That’s right, baby. Explore for a while.”

The next thing you know you’re walking out of the store with a toaster oven, a pair of fuzzy slippers, and a futon. Oh, and you have forgotten the toilet paper.

“Target, you did it to me again! That’s it. I’m not coming back here for at least a month…or until I need a prescription…or the next time I’m bored. Oh Target, I can’t stay mad at you. See you tomorrow.”

Running a Mara...

How did this happen? How was I convinced to register for a half marathon? Even better, how did I get talked into PAYING to run 13.1 miles. I don't run. I don't exactly have what one would call a "runner's body." I mean, how many people do you know who say, "Well time for my run. I guess I'll strap on a couple of bras and get going!" Why do people run anyway? There have got to be more pleasurable ways to exercise. I hear aqua aerobics is making a comeback.

So I have started training. Will I endure or will I pray for the sweet release of death? Only time will tell.